"I do" "I do"

The Vatican is gathering the results of a survey on Marriage and Family Life as it prepares for its upcoming Synod in October.  The responses to the survey are showing a clear divergence between what the faithful believe about these issues and what the Church teaches.

In working with many engaged couples at my parish, we have also found a clear difference between what the Church teaches and what the faithful believe regarding the Marriage ceremony.

Here are a few common misperceptions:

The priest or deacon marries the couple. 

A priest or a deacon serves as the official witness of the marriage, but the couple marries each other, and therefore serves as the primary ministers of the sacrament.  This is one reason the Catholic Rite of Marriage directs the couple to walk down the aisle together during the opening procession.

The father of the bride gives her away.

This came from an ancient culture when marriages were arranged as business deals.  The father would give his daughter away in exchange for money and other goods.  Today, we trust that the couple comes freely and begins their relationship as equal partners—another reason the couple walks together during the opening procession.

A wedding is a private affair.

Sacraments are always communal celebrations.  The love of a bride and groom is a sign to the whole Church of the intimate, covenant love God has for each of us.  This is why the Church building is the most suitable place for the wedding.  It is in that space where the community encounters God in many sacred and profound ways.  Music is another way in which the entire community encounters God.  Therefore, music should be chosen which allows everyone to sing in praise to God and in support of the couple.

The unity candle is crucial to the ceremony.

The unity candle is not part of the rite.  In the eyes of the Church, it’s the “I do” uttered by the bride and groom that are crucial.  Two simple words, one powerful meaning.  “I do” says “I am making a covenant to be with you forever, no matter what.”  Nothing more is needed.  Let the party begin!